Name: The Smoke Joint
Location: 87 South Elliot Place, Brooklyn, NY
Order: Monk: Pulled pork plate, spicy french fries, Dale’s Pale Ale; Speedy: Chopped beef barbecue plate, cornbread, spicy french fries (link to menu)
Bill: Monk: $17; Speedy: $14
Monk: Well Rudy…we really did it this time
Rudy: What do you mean?
Speedy: Well, Monk and I were visiting some buddies last weekend in New York City…
Monk: And we just thought that…
Speedy: …while we were there…
Monk: …we’d eat some barbecue…
Rudy: <puts head in hands> Have you learned nothing? Have you no respect for yourselves?
Speedy: In all fairness, our “friend” Boomsauce recommended this Brooklyn restaurant that’s near his pad in Fort Greene
Rudy: You took fine dining advice from Boomsauce?!?!?!??
Speedy and Monk: <sheepishly> Yes…
Rudy: Well, how was it?
Monk: Rudy, it was EFFING TERRIBLE
Speedy: The service was probably the worst I’d ever experienced in my life. We were more or less ignored - seeing our waiter maybe three times. When he took our orders, he completely ignored one of our fellow diners, so we had to stop him to make sure he got the last order in…
Monk: …which of course he never put on the ticket so the order never actually got put in.
Speedy: Plus, several of us ordered draft beers to go with our meals, but the waiter failed to tell us until 20 minutes later that there was no CO2, and thus no draft beer.
Monk: And it wasn’t even him that told us! After 10 minutes, we had to ask another waiter! Between Boomsauce’s homebrew beer and this place, we were in the middle of what shall henceforth be known as “the great CO2 shortage of Brooklyn”
Speedy: Right? I was so upset that I decided against drinking a beer completely. Not that that stopped our waiter from charging us all for our draft beers that we never received.
Monk: I mean, the only explanation was that the dude was clearly on drugs, but no one else was picking up the slack. At least I felt somewhat better since the couple that was seated after us had the same issues.
Rudy: Yeah, that sounds pretty terrible, but let’s not lose sight of what’s most important - how was the food?
Speedy: Rudy, I’m glad you asked…
Monk: I ordered a pulled pork plate and Speedy got the chopped beef barbecue plate so we could try both meats. The pork was of good portion, but was hardly pulled. It was basically a big chunk of pork shoulder that had a fork quickly run through it. “Coarsely pulled” would be stretching it.
Speedy: And I tried the chopped beef initially, but it was quite dry and needed some sauce, so I took the spicy sauce on the table and poured on a healthy portion only to find that it was just Tabasco. Now I like Tabasco as much as the next guy, but barbecue sauce it is not. Another example of The Smoke Joint just being lazy.
Monk: The pork was slightly better. It had an OK flavor and despite being a little greasy, was tender and not overly dry, so it was actually edible…
Speedy: At least until I found a giant hair in mine…
Monk: Talk about the cherry on top of the shit pie
Rudy: Guys, this sounds like a terrible experience. Was there any redeeming quality to the meal?
Speedy: Maybe the corn bread? That was probably the best part of my meal.
Monk: Agreed - there’s not really much to work with here. When we made our rating scale, we described “1 hog” as “What is this? A Yankee joint?” And it is, so 1 hog it shall be!
Atmosphere/Ambiance – 1 hogs
Pork - 2 hogs
Brisket - 1 hogs
Sides – 2 hogs
Overall – 1 hog